Monday, November 12, 2012

Has the Bio-Mom Ever Surprised You--In a Good Way?

Hi everyone! I had a great trip and I’m finally feeling back in the swing of things this evening. I haven’t had much time to read this week but I’m looking forward to starting Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do by Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., this weekend. I’ll let you know what I think next week.

In the meantime:

This evening as my stepdaughter was getting picked up, she asked her mom, “can I give Meesha a hug before we leave?” And she ran over and jumped in my lap and gave me a big hug and a kiss.

As she walked back around the couch, her mom turned to me and said, “speaking of which, [SD] has a book with pictures of everyone in it—me and her dad, her dad’s family, my family. If you want to give me a picture of you or of you and [DH] together, I’ll add it in there. She likes to look through it before she goes to bed.”

And I thought, wow, that is one awesome mom. I don’t know if I would have been big enough to make that offer if I were her.

How about you--Has your stepchild's biomom ever surprised you in a good way?


  1. I landed on your website looking up Step-mom, bio-mom info. I was the bio-mom for 9 years and now I'm entering a step mom situation myself. It's interesting being on both sides. It's especially challenging as the bio-mom, I wanted my children to love their step-mom and encouraged/supported the relationship. Your story about the photo reminded me of the calender I had made for my boys where I put up their Dad and Step-Mom wedding photos for the month in the calendar that the were married. My sons knew they had two families and love from both. Now that I'm creating a bond with future step-children, their bio-mom is hostile and completely non supportive. It's been hard because I foolishly thought we'd all put our kids first and she would react the way I had with my boys supporting a step-mom:( Great blog, I'll continue to read it!

  2. There was something that completely surprised me by the bio-mom and see sent an article to me which I had already seen floating around Facebook 'Letter to my Daughter's Stepmom', it's really touching and I thought, great after all the struggles that have already existed this was an olive branch.
    However... it was a 'Trojan Horse'
    Unfortunately it lasted a month or two and she was back to attacking me and how I shouldn't be involved in the parenting of 'her' children.
    I find myself torn much of the time as I am the bio-mom dealing with a step mom in another household (we have started to interact at a sincere and progressive level) as well as a step-mom dealing with a bio mom (my husband and I have now gone to ignoring each other in public and only communicating through email/text). To many the ignoring might seem catty and immature, however we had provided her nothing but communication and respect for over 3 years and she was unwilling to do the same, it's her way or the highway.
    What do you do when a bio mom is kind when she gets her way and a terror when she doesn't?